


Beast of Burden

by Donovanspen



Series: Take My Hand [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accountant Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Insecure Castiel, Intimacy, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Nightmares, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Private security Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-09-30 21:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10172783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: With a large snowstorm on the way, the Winchesters decide to ride it out together at the family farm. It’s usually a time for family bonding, but the close quarters add extra tension to Dean and Cas’ already strained relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Please feel free to let me know of any typos, and I'll gratefully correct them.
> 
> (I don’t own anything related to Supernatural. Just having fun writing stories.)

Dean loaded the last of the logs into the wheelbarrow and pushed his load back up towards the house. Soft snowflakes swirled around him as the wind began to pick up. The physical activity had been keeping him fairly warm, but the cold was beginning to seep in through his layers. He pushed the wheelbarrow up under the carport and unloaded the logs onto the woodpile. This would be his last load. John usually kept the woodpile fairly well stocked, but with an impending storm, he wanted to make sure they were well supplied.

“Looks good.” John came out the side door and surveyed Dean’s work.

“Yeah. I think we’re all set out here. You good with the camp stove and grill?”

John nodded. “Everything is done.” He glanced up at the sky before turning back to Dean. “You sure Lisa and Ben are all right? They’re predicting several feet of snow and power outages all up the east coast.”

“She’s fine. I checked in with her this morning, and she and Ben are all right.”

“You should have brought them out here,” John chastised.

Dean shook his head. “She knows she can come here any time. She’s in a good neighborhood. Her roads get plowed fairly quick. She has food and water stocked up as well as a gas fireplace. And they’re going to be with friends. Ben’s looking forward to snowball fights and building forts.”

“There’s plenty of time for playing later. Safety comes first.”

“They’re as safe as they would be here. Besides, you or Mom could have invited her, which I did, by the way.”

“As it should be. They’re you’re responsibility.”

Dean stared at his father. “No, they’re not. I look out for her because we’re friends, but that’s it. If she didn’t want to come out here, that’s her choice.”

“Maybe she would have come if you’d made her feel more welcome,” John pressed.

“What? I invited her. I offered to drive them out here. She said no. They have other plans. You know, she has her own life.”

“It’s not like you have made her feel very welcome when she comes out here. You barely spent any time with them at Christmas.”

Dean shook his head, wondering where all of this was coming from. “I spent a lot of time with them before we got out here. I went to Ben’s Christmas program at school, took him shopping to get Lisa’s present. I took Cas’ truck and took them to pick out a tree. I spent more time with them than I did Cas,” he admitted, feeling more than a little guilty. He was still struggling with finding that balance, but like with everything else, he and Cas were just ignoring their issues and pretending that all was fine.

“It doesn’t sit right with me having a woman and child alone with a blizzard on the way. It shouldn’t sit well with you, either.”

Honestly, the thought of them being alone did bother Dean until he heard Lisa describe how excited Ben was to spend time with his friends. “They’re not alone. They invited friends to stay with them, and they’ve turned it into a big sleepover, pretty much what we’re doing here. Lisa is an adult and Ben’s mother. She wouldn’t do anything reckless.”

“We’re done out here. Go and see if your mother needs any help.”

He heard the dismissal loud and clear, but he didn’t mind. He was ready to be done with this conversation.

 

He found his mom in the kitchen. “Mmm, smells good in here.”

Mary looked up from where she was stirring something in the big stockpot and gave him a smile. “I’m making your grandfather’s beef stew.”

“Oh that sounds as good as it smells,” he groaned already thinking about the savory broth and the tender meat and vegetables. He wasn’t a fan of vegetables, but it was a different story when it was all blended together in his grandfather’s special recipe. “Can I help with anything?”

“As a matter of fact, I could use some help peeling these potatoes.” She placed a bowl on the table and handed him the peeler.

He checked his phone before taking a seat. Still nothing from Cas. He knew Cas wouldn’t text if he was driving, but he was hoping for some sort of update, anything to let Dean know that he was on his way and safe. “So what else are you cooking?” he asked in need of a distraction.

“Well, those potatoes will be for the potato salad. I’m making fried chicken since all of you guys will eat that cold. The rest will be stuff for sandwiches. We’ve got the camp stove and fire place to heat up some things if we lose power for a long time.”

“Boy, you and Dad really know how to turn weather events into a party.” The Winchesters had storm survival down to a science. The family room became the hub during expected power outages. John always made sure he had a spare propane tank, and the grill was ready to go for a hot meal. Mary prepared several dishes and stews that only needed to be warmed up as well as several items that could be served cold or at room temperature. The Winchesters rode out storms like a family camping trip. As kids they loved ‘camping out’ in the family room, telling stories by firelight and eating hot dogs cooked over the open flame. The tradition continued as they got older with none of them quite ready to give it up yet.

Mary smiled. “The first time we did this, it was out of necessity. You boys were young, and we learned it was better to be prepared than not. And your dad and I both grew up going on family camping trips. It’s a way to find some good in a bad situation. Now that you guys are grown, we don’t get to see you as much. I don’t want to see our family traditions falling to the wayside.”

“Sam and I work in the family business. I think we’re more enmeshed than most. Definitely more than you and Dad were with your families.”

“We know,” Mary replied with a simple shrug. “That’s why we put so much effort in staying close. We know how easy it can be to drift apart.”

“I don’t think you have to worry,” Dean reassured her.

“You sure about that? You used to stay over for a few days during Thanksgiving and Christmas. Even when you were in the military, you tried to make it home for the holidays. Now, you just come and spend a few hours and then leave.”

“It was more than a few hours of dropping in and leaving. I know I haven’t been here as much as I was in the past, but I’ve been working a lot of crazy hours, and Cas and I needed some one-on-one time.” He didn’t mention that it still felt as if Cas was drifting away from him despite their good days. He didn’t talk about how he knew Cas was blowing off appointments because he was worried about the insurance. He didn’t tell his mom that he could see that Cas was still carrying baggage from the incident with the smoke bomb. And he certainly didn’t confide in his Mom how helpless he felt right now. He’d asked Cas to marry him, and he couldn’t help but feel ill-equipped to provide for his future spouse. He was at a loss as to what to do so he tried to just be there whenever he could.

Maybe it would have made things easier if he confided in his family, but he doubted it. Every time he considered opening up, a nagging voice in his head reminded him that Cas wouldn’t appreciate his struggles becoming common knowledge, especially with Cas still feeling so uncomfortable around everyone.

“Dean, you know I like Cas. I just have concerns when you start pulling away from us. ”

“What are you talking about? I’m not pulling away.”

“Sweetheart, I’m not trying to argue with you or hurt your feelings, but when you have to sacrifice time with your family to maintain your current relationship, it concerns us. Remember what Sam went through with Ruby?”

“Are you comparing Cas to Ruby?” Dean couldn’t believe how far south this conversation was going. “She constantly lied and manipulated him. Cas is nothing like her.”

“Well, he’s not like Lisa either. Despite your problems, you and Lisa were a family. When you’re with someone to this degree, your relationship affects everyone because we’re all interconnected. Instead of Cas connecting with the family, though, you’re becoming more distant.”

Dean bit back a sharp retort. He didn’t want to get into this. He was supposed to be spending quality time with his family, no stress, no drama. “This isn’t on Cas. The Sandover account sucks up most of my time, and Cas lost his freakin’ job. We’ve been under a lot of stress, and through it all, knowing that I’m going home to him is what gets me through the day.”

“Dean, we’re just concerned. You were so sure about Lisa –”

“No, I wasn’t,” he interrupted. “I was comfortable. And a large part of our relationship rested heavily on our love for Ben, but it wasn’t meant to be.” He didn’t know how to put it into words to explain everything. Lisa was a huge part of his life, but she was his past. He loved Ben and wished he was his son, but he wasn’t. “Is that why Dad was harping on me about them not being here?”

“You don’t think she should be here with family? You’re not worried about them?” Mary asked, surprise and a little bit of censure in her tone.

“Not really. I talked to her. I invited her, but she’d made her own plans. We’re friends, and I care about Ben. If she doesn’t want to come, that’s her choice. Cas is my priority.”

“Do you think that’s fair to Ben?” Mary asked.

“Nothing about this situation is fair,” he snapped and then paused for a moment to calm himself. “When I found out that Ben wasn’t mine, I felt like I was never going to be able to catch my breath again, but we worked it out. And then his dad started showing up, and I had to face the fact that Ben was never mine. Is it fair to him that his dad is a dick who floats in and out of his life? Hell no, but I’m not his father, and no amount of family get-togethers is going to change that. I’ve had to make my peace with being like an uncle to him, for my own sake. Whatever you want Lisa and me to be, it’s not going to happen.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. We knew it was hard on you, but it seemed like the two of you were working it out. We just want what’s best for you.”

“Then ask me about Cas. There are blizzard warnings posted, and I haven’t heard from him. He’s out there in that somewhere, and you and Dad are only riding my ass about not inviting Lisa.”

“Language,” Mary chided without any heat. “I’m sorry. I was worried about her and Ben being on their own, but you’re right. I just think of them of family.”

“That’s your choice,” Dean told her, “but I’m marrying Cas. You should spare some time thinking of him as well.”

“That’s not fair. We do think of him, and we support and respect him as much as we support and respect Sarah. He’s certainly welcome here. I was a little surprised he didn’t drive out here with you."  Mary hesitated a moment before asking her next question. “Is it possible he decided to stay in the city?”

“He wouldn’t do that, not with me here. Or he would have told me.”

“Maybe not right away, not if he didn’t want to come,” Mary hedged.

“Look, I know you think there’s something going on, but Cas wouldn’t just bail, not about something this important. He knows I’d be worried about him.”

“Well, if you have that much faith in him, I’m sure he’s on his way. He’s probably just stuck on the beltway.”

“You really think so?” he asked, grasping for any hint of reassurance.

“I do. You Winchester men have gone on many assignments where I’ve had to sit and wait. The worry doesn’t ever really go away. You just learn to manage it. Stay busy and do what needs to be done. It’s still early, and Cas’ truck can handle this weather better than most vehicles.”

Dean could see her point, but he wasn't going to feel better until Cas was there, safe in his arms.

Sam walked by the entrance to the kitchen and then stopped. “Oh hey. Can you give me a hand with moving the furniture around in the family room?”

Dean looked over at his mom who gave him a nod. “I think I’m in good shape here.”

Despite their awkward conversation, he’d still managed to peel a good bit of potatoes so he didn’t feel terrible for bailing on her. And he was more than ready to be doing something else. He followed Sam into the other room and waited until he felt there was enough space between them that his voice wouldn’t carry. “How long were you listening?”

“Long enough,” Sam admitted. “I almost came in earlier, but I wanted to give Mom a chance. She does like Cas. And she’s right about that truck. The roads are probably a mess, but he’ll be able to handle it. It’ll just take a while.”

“Maybe,” Dean said, feeling marginally better to at least hear Sam offer the same encouragement. “Let’s go ahead and start moving this stuff.” He and Sam had been setting up the family room for storms since they were kids. They moved the furniture towards the walls, creating an open space for the air mattresses. As everyone got older, the mattresses were spread a little further apart, and John and Mary had invested in a sleeper sofa. They hung a heavy quilt in the doorway so the heat from the fireplace wouldn’t leak out into the other areas of the house.

“Where’s Sarah?” Dean asked.

“Taking a nap. She was up most of the night making sure everything was good with the store.”

“At least she was smart enough to do it last night and come with you today.”

“Why didn’t Cas just ride out with you?” Sam nodded towards the sofa and waited for Dean to grab the other end.

“He wanted to drop off his files. He didn’t want them to go back to work and be waiting on him in case it took longer for the roads to clear out here.” They moved the sofa back towards the wall, opening up the center of the room.

“I guess that makes sense. His friend got him this consulting job, right? He probably wanted to make a good impression.”

“And how that’s working for him?” he groused. “The files could have waited. We should have stayed together.”

“Trust me, if she had a client, Sarah would have done the same thing. And if her dad wasn’t visiting friends in North Carolina, she wouldn’t even be here. Let’s move the loveseat this way. At this angle, we can place a mattress here, and it’ll give one of us a little privacy,” Sam suggested.

He was worried about Cas, but he couldn’t pass up a chance to tease Sam. “Privacy? Are you really going to try to get to third base with your whole family in the room?”

“Yeah, right, that’s more your style. I bet you can’t go the entire night without feeling Cas up.”

“Not gonna happen. I think he’s a little skeptical of this whole family sleepover thing. And it’s not like Mom and Dad are making him feel very welcome. This will probably end up being the awkward sleepover from hell.”

“There’s a lot going on they don’t know about. Give them time. Cas and I cleared the air, and I feel like there’s still some distance with us as well.”

“Join the club.”

“You guys still having problems?”

“Not really, I guess. I mean, we’re not fighting or anything, but I feel like there’s something there, like I should be doing more for him. He should be able to count on me, but I feel like he’s getting the raw end of this.”

“Have you thought about talking with someone? Or maybe trying to get a weekend away? The time alone would be good for you guys.”

“Maybe,” Dean replied. All of what Sam said sounded good, but that was too far away. All he could think about was right now and wonder where the hell Cas was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Please feel free to let me know of any typos, and I'll gratefully correct them.

Dean gnawed on his thumbnail while scanning the cards in his hand. It had been Sarah’s idea to play a game to keep him distracted. It wasn’t working. With each hand they played, he just became more aware of the passing time.

“Dean, you in? Dean!”

“Huh?”

Sam and Sarah exchanged a glance, but he didn’t care anymore. There was no point in trying to act as if he wasn’t worried. He’d been this way for the past three hours. The weather had officially gone from bad to worse, and he hadn’t heard a thing from Cas. 

“Ok,” Sarah said, laying her cards on the table. “I think we’ve hit our limit of how much we can distract him. Time to get real.”

Sam shot her a look, but Dean appreciated the honesty even if her words sent a shot of apprehension through him. 

“Finally,” he huffed, throwing down his cards as well. “I can’t just sit here. I gotta do something.”

“Like what?” Sam asked. 

“I don’t know. Not sit around here.”

“Dean, we already talked about this. It would be worse if you tried to go out and find him. You’d most likely miss him somewhere on the road or get stranded yourself.”

“Or I find him, and keep him from freezing to death.”

“You don’t know that. Cas is a smart guy. He wouldn’t allow that to happen.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“No, Dean, it’s not. I’m worried, too, but someone has to be reasonable.”

“It’s not your fiancé that’s out there!”

“Ok, guys, enough.” Sarah held up her hands and motioned for them to be quiet. “Arguing isn’t going to help anything. We need a plan.”

“I have one.”

“A better one,” Sarah countered. 

“What, like just magic him here?” Dean snapped. 

“Hey! Ease up, Dean.” Sam jumped in. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I know you’re trying to help.”

Sarah gave him a warm smile. “I know, sweetie. Honestly, I think Cas is ok, and he’s going to be here soon. But in the meantime, we’re going to come up with a plan B, because if anything does happen, which it won’t, we’ll be ready.”

He was torn between wanting to be proactive in helping Cas, but not ready to face any reality other than finding him. “Yeah, ok, what are you thinking?”

“We start with what route he would have likely taken and then figure out about how long it should have taken him. We check the traffic website to see what the delays are like and if there are any accidents.” Sarah stopped and glanced at Sam.

“And we make a list of the hospitals along that route just in case we need to call later,” Sam added.

He felt sick. Logically, he knew all this already. It’s exactly what he would have done if it were anybody but his fiancé. No, he was going to go out, find his man and bring him home. 

“Dean!” John shouted. 

He was on his feet and in the foyer before anyone could say anything else. 

“Where is he?” Dean asked, coiled and ready to go rush out the door.

“Lights just pulled up out there. Hard to see, but pretty sure it’s his truck.”

Dean flung open the front door and saw the figure slowly making his way towards the front porch. Not even bothering with a jacket, Dean raced out to meet him. Slipping an arm around his hunched figure, Dean pulled Cas close to him allowing Cas to lean on him as they made their way back to the house. 

“It’s about time you got here. Where the hell have you been?” Dean barked once the door was closed behind them, shutting out the wind and snow. 

Cas glared at him through wet lashes. “I stopped for hot chocolate.”

“Dumbass,” Dean muttered, tugging his jacket off his shoulders.

Cas gasped and flinched away. 

“What? Are you hurt? What happened?”

“I’m fine,” Cas rasped, trying to ease out of his coat.

He was lying. Dean could hear it in his voice as well as how Cas wouldn’t look at him. He was also aware of his family hovering nearby, but he was too wound up to be tactful right now. 

“You know I know better. Are you hurt?”

“Nothing new,” Cas replied. Giving up on his jacket, he leaned over to try to take off his boots but had to stop and grab hold of Dean who quickly wrapped his arm around his waist to hold him up.

“Sam!” Dean called out. 

“Yeah, hold up.” He returned a minute later with a kitchen chair. They helped Cas ease onto it, allowing him to take a steadying breath. Dean knelt and began to work on the laces of his boots, ignoring Cas’ protests. 

“What happened?” he asked again. 

“I got caught in the storm.”

“Yeah, no shit. Tell me the part I don’t know.” 

“I didn’t do this on purpose, Dean.”

“I didn’t say you did. Just wondering why you didn’t leave earlier. What was so important that you risked getting caught out in that mess? It was Balthazar’s stupid job, wasn’t it? I told you not to go into the office today.” He knew he should shut up and be grateful that Cas was sitting here in front of him, alive and in one piece, but all those emotions that had been swirling in him for the past few hours were determined to spill out. And the fact that Cas was just sitting there glaring at him only made things worse. Fortunately, his family had shifted away and gave them some semblance of privacy.

“Dammit, Cas, do you have any idea what I’ve been going through over here?”

“Do you have any idea what I went through to get here?” Cas hissed back. 

“Dean.” The weight of Sam’s hand rested on his shoulder, a subtle reminder. “We’re glad you made it, Cas. We were all starting to get a little worried, especially Dean. This is fear and adrenaline talking.”

He wanted to snap at Sam, tell him that he didn’t need to speak for him, he didn’t need to soften his rough edges, but he swallowed down those words when he saw the fire leave Cas’ eyes. The weariness that he now saw left him feeling drained as well. 

“Is there anything you need me to grab from your truck?” Sam asked. 

Cas shook his head. 

“Ok, then. Dean, why don’t you help Cas get cleaned up? They’re saying power outages are likely, so maybe go ahead and grab a hot shower while you can. Mom is already putting together a warm plate.”

“Yeah, ok. That sounds good. Thanks, Sammy.”

Alone again, Dean finished removing his boots, and then reached for Cas’ arm to help him stand. Cas jerked away and tried again to pull off his coat, his movements slow and stiff. 

“Don’t be like that. I’m sorry,” Dean apologized. “It doesn’t make it ok, but Sam was right. I was worried about you.”

“Maybe next time say that instead of yelling at me.”

“I promise to try to do better. Will you let me help you?”

Cas nodded and shifted a bit as Dean helped him to his feet. He pulled the jacket off his arms, frowning at how chilled Cas still felt. “Let’s get you into that hot shower.” He still wanted to know why Cas was late and what happened with his back, but he forced himself not to ask, not now anyway.

It was slow going up the steps. Dean wasn’t sure if Cas was trembling from the cold or the exertion of climbing the stairs. He had him take a seat on the toilet lid while he started running water for a bath. “A hot soak will be good for those tight muscles.” He was grateful that Cas allowed him to help get him undressed and into the tub. 

“How does that feel? Not too hot?” he asked. “Good. Try to relax. I’m gonna grab you something warm to drink.”

“How is he?” Sam asked when he walked into the kitchen. 

He glanced around the room, heartened to see his family waiting for his answer. “He’s tired, and his back is acting up, but overall, he’s ok.”

“Nice of him to call,” John commented. 

“John.” Mary gave her husband a brief shake of her head. “Give them time to catch their breaths.”

Dean didn’t want another confrontation. Nor did he want to spend his time defending Cas to his family and vice versa. “You know, I’m trying really hard to have Cas be a part of this family, and you sure don’t make it easy on me.”

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” John scowled.

“Now is not the time,” Mary said. “Dean, you know our concerns, and whether you believe it or not, we were also worried. And we’d be just as frustrated with you or Sam had you not tried to get in touch with us. But that’s not a conversation we need to have in this moment. Is Cas hungry?”

Dean shook his head. “He didn’t say. He’s still kinda cold so I came down to get him something warm to drink.”

“I’ll make him some warm lemonade.”

“That sounds good. Thanks, Mom.” He hoped she understood that his thanks went beyond the drink offer. 

Sam tapped him on the shoulder and walked out into the dining room. 

“What’s up?” Dean asked once they were alone in the other room.

Sam kept his voice low. “I know where you’re coming from, but you have to tone it down. The way you came at Cas earlier - if you talk to him like that, it only makes Mom and Dad question it more. And Cas isn’t going to feel comfortable here.”

Dean sighed and ran his hand across his face. “I know. And I apologized but pretty sure it needs to be said more than once.”

Sam gave him a sympathetic nod. “He’s here. Focus on that for right now, and the rest will take care of itself.”

He certainly hoped it would be that easy. Returning to the kitchen, he grabbed the lemonade and gave his mom a kiss on the cheek. He also snagged a bottle of pills and then headed back upstairs. 

“Here you go. This should help. Warm lemonade and Ibuprofen. Didn’t think to pack your medicine. Sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Cas replied taking the pills and washing them down with a sip of the tart drink. 

“Better?” Dean questioned, noticing that Cas didn’t deny needing any medication. 

“Much. Thank you.” 

The steam from the bath was filling the small room, and Dean was glad to see the heat bringing some color back to Cas. “You sure you’re all right?”

“I’m fine, Dean.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what exactly? You’ve already apologized.” Cas closed his eyes and reclined back.

Dean just watched him for a moment. Now that Cas was safe in front of him, he was starting to feel the adrenaline draining out of his body. He wanted to gather Cas in his arms and hold on and never let go. “I’m sorry for coming at you so hard when you got here. And I’m sorry for insisting we come to the farm and not staying in our home.”

Cas opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to look at Dean. “It’s all right. I know how much this means to you.”

“It’s not worth losing you.”

“You know I’m not exactly a damsel in distress.”

“But you were out running around in a blizzard and didn’t bother to call anyone.”

“I think I lost my phone while trying to push Paula’s car out of the ditch.”

“What?”

Cas studied him for a moment before closing his eyes again. “I can’t believe you thought I’d be that reckless or inconsiderate. I stopped to help a woman and her two children whose car had slid off the road. I didn’t have a tow cable so pushing was the only option. I couldn’t get enough traction. I had to transfer the car seats to the truck and take them to her parent’s house. I didn’t realize I’d lost my phone until after I had already dropped them off and was on my way back.”

“They were lucky you came along.”

“Perhaps. I’m sure someone would have stopped.”

“It’s nasty out there, Cas. And a mother alone with her small kids? You and I both know how badly that could have ended.”

“Still, it’s over now,” Cas said, shrugging off his praise. “Everyone is safe and sound.”

“And your back?” Dean asked. “I’m guessing trying to push the car out of the ditch set it off?” With Cas still dealing with pain and spasms, it wouldn’t take much for his back to flare up. Trying to single-handedly push a stuck vehicle, dealing with car seats, and then sitting all tensed up, Cas had to be downplaying how bad he felt. 

“Finish up your lemonade. I’ll be right back.”

He returned a few minutes later with a bottle of body wash and a washcloth. He took the empty mug from the side of the tub and set it on the counter and then knelt next to the tub. Cas sat up and squinted at the bottle. 

“You brought lavender body wash?”

“Yeah, well, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to have some relaxing stuff around, kinda take the edge off the in-laws.” He dipped the washcloth into the warm bath water and then poured some of the gel on it. 

“Dean. I’m fine. You don’t have to coddle me.” 

“And you know that’s not what this is.” Dean began rubbing the cloth against Cas’ back, firm but gentle motions. The scent of lavender mixed into the warm air and surrounded them. “Just relax and let me do this. It’s better than yelling.” 

Cas sighed and closed his eyes, exactly like Dean knew he would. It was their unspoken compromise. The first time Dean had attempted to do this, Cas had been adamant that he was not a child, and he resented Dean always treating him as if he were incapable of caring for himself. Cleaning each other up after sex was ok or when one of them was sick, but Cas had seen this as something different. Dean had finally broken through his defenses by simply asking “Why won’t you let me be close to you?” 

This was only the second time Dean had attempted this. After Cas had relented the first time, he’d allowed Dean to bathe him, bundle him up in warm clothes and then cuddle up on the sofa together and watch movies. For all the things working against them in their lives, that time had felt so right to Dean. 

“Is this becoming a new kink for you?” Cas asked as Dean began washing his arms. 

Dean leaned over and pressed a lingering kiss to the side of his neck. “Not gonna lie and say that I’m not aroused. Having you here in front of me, wet and naked, in a steamy room? Hell yeah, but it’s more than that.” 

Cas opened his eyes and locked onto Dean’s. He didn’t say anything. He simply held his gaze for a moment before letting his eyes drift shut again. Dean took it for what it was and began washing his other arm, getting no resistance from Cas when he nudged him to raise his arms. He took his time with his chest, relishing in the little gasp Cas gave as he dragged the washcloth over his hardening nipples. He leaned in to nip at his neck again, using his teeth to nibble and then his tongue to soothe the tiny bites. 

“Ok, lean back,” Dean instructed. He smiled when Cas reclined back in the tub without so much as a hesitation. He was so beautiful like this, and Dean could feel his own arousal beginning to mix with his affection for the man in front of him. He added some more body wash to the cloth and began working on Cas legs, from the tops of his thighs all the way to his feet. He worked his way back up the legs, stopping mid-thigh. He slipped his hand between his knees and gave him a little push. “Open up for me.”

Cas spread his legs as much as the tub would allow, granting Dean access. He continued washing him, his strokes becoming lighter and lingering more. He heard the little hitch of his breath and was glad that he was affecting him. He dropped the washcloth and any hint of bathing and began stroking him. “Is this ok? Do you want this?”

Cas shifted a little but not enough to dislodge Dean. “I don’t think I can.”

“Because of your back?”

“Yeah. But if we’re being completely honest, I’m not really thrilled with how you treated me earlier.”

“Yeah, well, when I think my fiancé is hurt and stranded in a blizzard, I tend to get a little worked up. It was either yell at you or become a blubbering mess. I was wrong, and I’m sorry. I was so scared something had happened, and all that fear just came out in a really horrible way.”

“I’m sorry I caused you to worry.”

Dean leaned in and pressed a kiss against his lips. “Nothing to apologize for. I’m so damn glad you’re here. Let me show you, Cas. Let me touch you. If you can’t, that’s fine. No pressure. I just want to make you feel good.”

Cas gave him a slight nod, and Dean leaned in for another kiss. He opened his hand and massaged Cas between his legs before taking hold of him again with a nice easy grip. He kept his strokes steady as he continued to land kisses along his neck and chest, breathing in the warm scent of him. 

Despite his claim, it didn’t take long for Cas to reach that edge. 

“Dean.”

He tightened his grip and allowed his eyes to roam over him, taking in the flush creeping up his neck and the slight thrust of his hips. “Damn, you’re beautiful. Let go and feel good, baby.”

Cas let out a soft moan with his release before slumping back against the tub. 

“All right. Let’s finish getting you cleaned up.” Dean rinsed him off and helped him out of the tub and into a dry towel. The adrenaline from his earlier adventure along with the relaxing bath activities had Cas tired and sluggish. Dean wrapped a towel around his waist and led him towards his childhood bedroom. He pulled back the covers and motioned for Cas to lie down on the soft sheets. 

“Hold up a sec,” he told him when Cas went to grab the covers. “I want you to stay warm so I’m gonna grab you some clothes.” He went over to their bags and pulled out a pair of warm sleep pants, a long sleeve t-shirt, boxer shorts and socks. Cas was already nodding off so Dean ended up doing most of the work to get him dressed. He pulled the covers up and tucked him in, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

Today had scared him. He didn’t want to even think about what could have happened. No, now he was only concentrating on their future and how to make sure he gave Cas his very best.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Please feel free to let me know of any typos, and I'll gratefully correct them.
> 
> (I don’t own anything related to Supernatural. Just having fun writing stories.)

Dean looked down at his sleeping boyfriend, not happy with how restless he seemed. Cas had only been asleep for about a half hour, and Dean knew the short nap wouldn’t be enough. Sure enough, Cas fidgeted a bit more and then opened his eyes.

Dean remained quiet hoping that he would try to fall back asleep, but Cas had other plans. 

“How long was I out?”

“Not long enough. Maybe thirty minutes.”

“And you stayed up here?”

“Of course,” Dean shrugged. He’d told himself it was a good time to catch up on his reading, but they both knew he didn’t want to leave Cas alone. “We’ll have plenty of time with the family. Think you can go back to sleep? You still look tired.”

Cas reached his arms up into a stretch but stopped short with a grimace. “No, I’m awake now.”

“You hungry then?”

Cas tilted his head a bit on the pillow and then looked back up at Dean. “Yeah, I am. I haven’t had anything since breakfast, come to think of it.”

“That was hours ago. Let’s get you fed. Ready to head downstairs?”

“Not really but might as well get it over with.”

“That’s the spirit,” Dean grinned. “Probably wouldn’t hurt to get you down there and mixing with the folks before you lose that post-orgasm chill.”

“Is that your plan?” Cas asked. “Try to supply me with orgasms for the entire time we’re here?”

“It’s a win-win. You’re relaxed, and I get to touch you.”

“Let’s see how the night goes.” Cas moved to get up and gasped as he fell back onto the bed. 

Dean immediately hovered over him, his hands twitching with the need to touch but unsure how to help. “Ok, take it easy. What can I do?”

Cas took several deep breaths. “I’m all right. I just moved the wrong way. Give me a second.”

“Take as much time as you need. Maybe I should bring your food up to you.”

“No need,” Cas assured him. “I’m just a little stiff from lying in one place. It’ll be better once I get up and move.”

Dean refrained from pointing out that Cas hadn’t been still and had tossed and turned for the entire time he was asleep. He also kept his comments to himself as he watched Cas struggle to get out of bed and on his feet. Maybe he was right and moving around was all he needed. 

They made their way downstairs, and found everyone seated around the kitchen table. 

“You’re just in time for dinner,” Mary told them as she got up and began walking to the cabinet. 

“Mom, I got it. Go ahead and take a load off.”

Mary gave him a smile and returned to her seat while Dean nudged Cas towards the table. “You too. I’ll get it.”

Sarah greeted Cas with a friendly grin. “Glad you could join us. It was taking everything in me to keep Dean from launching a rescue mission.”

“My apologies for causing everyone to worry. And thank you for keeping him here safe.”

“Anytime, my friend. I’m just glad you’re safe.”

“We all are,” Mary added. “Did you just misjudge the timing of the storm?”

“Not really,” Cas answered. He nodded his thanks as Dean placed a bowl in front of him and then sat down beside him. “I left early enough and would have been here before the roads got slippery if I hadn’t stopped to help someone.”

“Out running around playing good samaritan?” Sarah teased. 

“Pretty much. She was in a small compact that had gone off the road. I thought I could get her out the ditch and back on the road, but her tires were too worn to gain any traction. And since she had small children with her, I thought it best to get her to her destination rather than leave her at the mercy of waiting for a tow truck.”

‘Aww, sweetie. The world needs more people like you.”

Dean would be forever grateful to Sarah. If Sam didn’t wise up and propose, Dean just might have to do it for him. 

“A phone call would have been nice,” John said. 

Silence settled over the table, and Dean saw Sarah tense her shoulders but drop her eyes down to her plate. Beside him, Cas swirled his spoon around his bowl of stew but didn’t seem in any hurry to take a bite. He was just about to speak up when Cas beat him to it. 

“Yes, that would have been ideal. I believe I lost the phone while trying to push Paula’s car out of the ditch. I lost my footing and fell. Once I got her stuff and the kids moved over to my truck, I thought I still had plenty of time so I wasn’t thinking of calling. The kids were crying as well and it was quite chaotic. She was going to her parent’s house in Woodbridge. By the time I dropped them off, the roads had started to get slick. I was going to give Dean a quick call, but that was when I noticed that I didn’t have my phone. With the state of the roads, I thought it would be best to keep driving than to try to stop and find a phone.”

“Good call,” Sam told him. “Glad you’re here, man.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

“Once this storm is over, we’ll need to hit the ground running,” John said, changing the topic of conversation. “Sandover is close to signing off on their expansion. They’re going to need us to bring those new outfits online.”

“Of course they will,” Dean sighed.

“Hey!” John gave him a sharp look. “That account is keeping you well paid, and we all know you could use the money right now.”

“We’re fine,” he said, reaching over to take hold of Cas’ hand under the table. He rubbed his thumb across the back of his hand in slow reassuring strokes. “And I know exactly how important this account is. The pace has just been relentless, though.”

“That’s the cost of doing business. If we just sat around and waited for it to be convenient for our personal lives, we’d all be broke and homeless by now.”

Dean clenched his jaw and refused to comment. John had been micromanaging this account from the get go. Sure it was a huge deal for Winchester Security to land the Sandover account, but they were doing an excellent job, hitting all their target projections and milestones. Things would run more smoothly if John just loosened the reigns a bit and quit stressing over every detail. 

Mary chose that moment to bring the pie over to the table and announce dessert was served.

“You’ll will figure it out,” she told them as she began scooping up slices and putting them on plates. “You guys always do bring home a win. I’m sure this time will be no different.”

Stubborn as ever, John shook his head. “This next phase is going to require all of us to put in extra time. They’re moving their operations from South Carolina to Norfolk as well as acquiring local businesses in the area. That's why we'll be there. It'll be our job to fill in the gaps as they bring their own security system online.”

“Makes sense,” Dean agreed in an attempt to keep the peace and have a civil conversation. Logistically, Norfolk was a good location for Sandover, and not too far from home for him. “Not looking forward to dealing with Alistair, though. You know he’s going to try to push up on them. No way he’d let an operation that big come into the area and not try to get a piece of the action.”

Dean felt Cas tense up next to him so he gave his hand another squeeze. Once they were alone, he’d reassure him that he wouldn’t let work suck up all of his time.

“You’ll be going up against Alistair?” Cas asked.

Dean could hear the slight tremor in his voice and apparently so could everyone else judging by the way they were looking at Cas. Dean shifted a bit so his body was angled more towards him.

“No, we’ll be staying away from him and keeping our client away as well.”

“You just said that he'd want a part of their business operations. You know what he does to people who get in his way.”

Dean gave his hand a firm squeeze. “We’ll be ok. We know what we're doing, and Sandover is too visible. They have too much oversight going on. Alistair wouldn't want the exposure.”

“But he'd still try,” Cas pressed for a firm answer.

“He can try all he wants,” John spoke up. “We’ll give him a hell of a fight.”

Dean wanted to punch something. Maybe his dad was truly too blind to see that this conversation was affecting Cas, but the damage was done. He glanced over towards Sam and saw that his brother looked just as annoyed, and Sarah was shooting nervous glances between Cas and John. While Sam spent most of his time in the office, he knew that Sarah would be worried as well.

“We’re very careful, and we work closely with local law enforcement. Sandover is a big organization. We’ll be getting their own security department up to speed as well. Alistair may snoop around, but he tends to stay away from a setup like this.” Dean gave Cas’ hand another squeeze and a reassuring smile. He wished he had seen Cas’ shoulders relax a bit and his return smile reach his eyes, but he would take the small nod he did give him.

“So, what’s next on this family fun night?” Sarah asked. “Sam wasn’t kidding about the amazing food. He said you guys usually do games or movies?”

Dean shot her a grateful glance. They were on the front end of this storm, and he was already wishing that he and Cas had ridden it out in their townhouse instead.

“I vote for a movie,” Sam spoke up. “It’s been a long week, and I think we could all use the breather.”

“Sounds good to me. Why don’t you guys go ahead and get it set up while I throw these dessert dishes into the dishwasher.”

“I’ll help you.” Sarah stood and began gathering the plates and followed Mary into the kitchen. 

“Dean, we need to go check on the accounts, make sure there aren’t any problems.” John stood up as well and gave Dean an expectant look. 

“Sure.” Their customers were fine, otherwise they would have heard about it by now. Besides, Dean had been keeping in touch with Benny throughout the day while waiting for Cas. He wasn’t sure what John wanted to talk about, but he had a good guess that it wasn’t work. He pressed a kiss against Cas’ temple. “This won’t take long. Don’t let Sam pick a crappy movie. You know how he is.” Cas nodded, and Dean set off behind his dad. 

“Ok, what are you playing at?” he asked once the door was shut behind them. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” John replied, walking over to his desk and taking a seat in front of the computer. “We’re checking on our clients.”

“My team is solid. I’ve been in touch with them all day, and my phone’s been on the entire time.” But John already knew this.

“And you’ve been distracted all day.”

“So this is about Cas. Why are you always so hard on him? I don’t get it. You weren’t like this when we were dating.” And all of a sudden the light bulb went off. “You don’t want me to marry Cas.”

John sighed and turned towards Dean, all pretense of checking his email gone. “I don’t think he’s right for you. You need someone who can hold their own, not a damsel in distress.”

Anger and indignation welled up inside him. If only his dad knew all that Cas was going through, he wouldn’t be so quick to judge him. “I’m going to ignore that comment and pretend you never said it. Cas is the one I’ve chosen to be with, and you can either accept that or not. But your opinion of him isn’t going to change my mind. All you’re going to do is push me away because there’s no way I’m going to subject Cas to being around you guys if you can’t respect him.”

“And you’re willing to throw away all of us this, our family, the family business which you and Sam are meant to run one day, you’re willing to let all that go for him?” John challenged. 

“Yeah I am. I wouldn’t have asked him to marry me if I wasn’t sure. He’s it. And if I have to keep my distance because you can’t accept him, then that’s on you. Not me or him.”

“Dean…”

“No, look. I already had this conversation with Mom. And I get that I haven’t done my part in helping you guys get to know Cas better, but I’m trying. We wouldn’t be here right now if I wasn’t. All day I was going out of my mind worrying about him, and you and Mom could only harp on me about Lisa or pulling my weight at work. It’s not just on me to make this work. If you want me around, then you’re going to have to make some effort as well.”

“We’ve invited him into our home. What more do you expect?”

“Maybe treating him as if he’s actually a guest here. We’re a team. I don’t expect you to coddle him because you don’t even do that with Sarah. Just be civil because if he isn’t made to feel welcome here, it’s going to be hard for me to be here as well.”

“Don’t tell me how to behave in my own home,” John snapped. 

“I’m not, Sir. I’m just saying that Cas and I are a package deal. If you can’t accept him, then we can keep our distance. But just so you know, that’s not my first choice. Now,” he said, clearing his throat. “Benny has been checking in every two hours, and everything is tight on my end.”

John narrowed his eyes and fixed him with a hard glare, but he didn’t say anything. Dean took that as his cue that the conversation was over and left. He’d said his peace to both parents and that was all he could do right now. 

He joined everyone in the family room. He noticed him mom leave and figured she was going to find John. Sam and Sarah were looking at the onscreen menu trying to find a movie for them to watch. He took a seat on the loveseat next to Cas, wrapping his arms around his waist and gently leaning into him. He pressed his lips against his neck, teasing the soft skin. 

“Everything ok?” Cas whispered. 

“Just peachy.” He continued nibbling on his neck. 

“It was about me, wasn’t it?”

Dean sighed and pulled back just enough to let Cas know he was paying attention. He kept his voice low so it wouldn’t carry across the room. “I don’t know what’s going on with Dad, but it’s not about you. I choose you and that’s all that matters. But if you need a little more reassurance, Sam and Sarah get it.”

“Your family means everything to you.”

Dean shifted a bit until he could look Cas in the eyes. “I’m marrying you. We’re in this together. You and me. Grandpa Samuel didn’t like Dad, but that didn’t stop Mom. Our parents don’t always know what’s best for us. You and I are in this relationship. We decide, and I’ve already made my choice.” He hoped that Cas was hearing him, but he had a low feeling that it wasn’t sinking in. Cas said ‘ok’ and gave him a weak smile that wouldn’t fool anyone, but Dean decided not to push it. Maybe the movie would help calm things down a bit. Movies and hot apple toddies. 

“Who wants toddies?” he asked, taking his voice back up to room level. 

“That sounds good,” Sarah answered. “I’m in.”

“Good enough for me. Toddies all around. Back in a sec, babe.” Dean hopped up to fill his role as bartender. He was also hoping that the warm rum would help Cas relax and ease some of his back discomfort. 

“Should we wait for Mom and Dad?” Sam asked when Dean returned with a tray of warm beverages. 

“Nah. They might need a minute.”

“What happened, Dean?” Cas pinned him with the look he always used when he wanted a straight answer. 

“Nothing,” he sighed. “We talked about work, and he needed to hear that I’m committed, which shouldn’t even be a question. He gets like that when we have big jobs on the line. Don’t worry about it. It’s all good. We’re good.”

Cas didn’t look as if he believed him, but he did accept his drink and leaned back into Dean’s warmth. John and Mary joined them halfway through the first movie, slipping quietly into the room and taking their spot on the sectional. It was almost peaceful. If Dean didn’t think about all the ups and downs from earlier and just concentrated on Cas leaning back against his chest, then yes. Moments like this were all he needed.


	4. Chapter 4

It was almost midnight before the lights started flickering. Everyone was tired, and Dean didn’t think they much cared if the power did go out this late in the evening. He’d been tempted an hour ago to grab Cas and take him upstairs to his old room where they could have went to sleep all snuggled under a pile of warm blankets and shared body heat. But he didn’t want to take the chance that the power would go out, and Cas would wake up cold and uncomfortable. 

With the first flickering, everyone made their last minute bathroom visits. Dean noticed Cas was still moving somewhat slow.  He’d placed a heating pad behind his back and kept the toddies coming, hoping it would help him stay loose and relaxed. John had finished adding logs to the fire when the power finally shut off.  Strategically placed string lights provided enough illumination for everyone to get in their respective beds. John and Mary already had the sofa bed set up, and it wasn’t much for the couples to get settled on their air mattresses.  

“You good?” Dean whispered as he straightened the blankets over them. 

Cas grunted as he shifted around. Dean began to wonder if the firm mattress on his bed would be better for Cas’ back. The air mattresses were pretty nice, though. They were high-rise models with padded tops, the luxury models, as Dean liked to call them. He’d always felt pretty good after sleeping on it, but then again, he wasn’t suffering from back issues. 

“You good?” he asked again.  

“Yeah,” Cas whispered. 

Dean eased closer, taking care not to jostle him. He pressed a kiss to his temple and then closed his eyes, content and warm. 

 

 

 

Dean opened his eyes, not sure what had woken him. Before he could fully process his surroundings, he heard it again. The fast breathing and frantic whispering. He had witnessed many of Cas’ nightmares, but it had been weeks since his last one, and Dean had thought things were better now. 

He shifted a bit closer and started running his fingers through Cas’ hair, a proven tactic at calming him down without waking him. “Shhh, easy, Cas. You’re all right.” 

Instead of soothing him, Dean’s actions seemed to have the opposite effect. “Dean. Where…I can’t find you.  Dean!” Cas’ voice got louder with each word, and Dean knew his family would start waking soon if Cas continued.  

“Cas,” he said in a soft but firm voice. “It’s me. It’s just a dream. Wake up.”

“Nooo!”

Cas gave a mournful cry that just about broke Dean’s heart. “Cas,” he hissed, giving him a hard shake. “Wake up.” 

In the dim lighting provided by the fireplace and a set of string lights, Dean watched as Cas’ eyes shot open and his disoriented expression crumble as tears started leaking from the corner of his eyes.  

“Dean.” 

“It’s ok. I’m right here now. You’re ok. We’re ok,” he cooed, keeping his voice low. “I got you.”

“No. You were gone. He got you, and I couldn’t find you. You were gone, and it was my fault. I couldn’t help you. I wasn’t strong enough. I lost you,” he cried. 

“No, baby, it was just a dream. I’m right here.” Having had his fair share of nightmares, he knew it could take a minute for the dreamscape to fade and for reality to set in. “Take a breath and try to focus, ok.”

Cas took a shuddering breath, but it didn’t do much to quell the little sobs.  

“I promise it’s ok. Take another breath, baby.” He reached out and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “It was just a dream. You’re here with me. Remember the storm and power outage?”  Dean could see the exact moment when reality and mortification settled in.  Cas’ eyes opened wide, full of clarity.  

“No,” he whispered.  

“It’s ok.”

“No, no it’s not. Dean.”

“All right, calm down. They’re all probably still asleep, and if they’re not, who cares? Nightmares are a shitty thing, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I promise you, we haven’t been loud. Even if they are awake, they don’t know what’s going on.” 

“I can’t do this,” Cas whispered. He started to move, but Dean scooted closer and threw his arm over him. “Please, I don’t belong here.”

“You belong with me,” Dean said, not caring that his voice was starting to rise above a whisper. “You’re part of me. We’re one now. There’s no going back.”

“No, your family is right. I’m a burden. You need someone strong.” 

“I need you.”

“I’m broken. I can’t ….”

“No, you’re not. You’re hurting, and I should have done a better job of taking care of you.”

“But you shouldn’t have to take care of me.”

“Bullshit. That’s what we’re building here. No way would you have left me to deal with something like this on my own, and I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” 

“It was just a smoke bomb,” Cas said, his soft crying slurring his words.  

“You were terrorized, and you got hurt. You have nothing to apologize for. Listen for a minute, ok. Do you trust me?” He waited for Cas’ shaky nod before he continued. “When I came out of the Marines, I had seen and done a lot. I thought I was more than ready to do this job. I was doing simulation training with Bobby, and I just froze. Something came over me, and I just got so spooked, I wet myself. I snapped out of it, but I was so damn embarrassed. I couldn’t even look Bobby in the eye.” Dean stopped and took a breath. Even though he and Cas had been keeping their voices somewhat quiet, he knew his family was most likely awake and able to hear everything they were saying. He swallowed down his own embarrassment and hoped they continued to remain silent as he tried to reassure Cas. 

“Bobby was cool, though. He said we all have things we have to work through, but we can’t do it if we hide from it. I got cleaned up, and we went out for beers. He didn’t come at me hard, but he also didn’t let me run from it. You’re the same way. You help me focus and deal so I’m ok to do my job. And I failed you. I let you run and hide from it. That’s over now. No more running, baby.”

He hated seeing Cas cry, but he knew this moment was long overdue. Mindful of his back, he eased Cas fully into his arms, and held him. His fiancé  had been carrying so much and was finally letting it all out. It was a good first step. 

“You ok?” he asked when the sobs began to fade out. 

“No” was Cas’ shaky reply.  

Dean nudged Cas until his head was on his chest, and he could bring his arm up to run his fingers through his hair. 

“Forgive me for not being there? I promise to do better, Cas.”

“Dean. Not your fault,” he sniffled. 

“I want to help. Will you let me help?” 

Cas hesitated, and Dean worried that Cas would start to withdraw from him. Then he felt a little nod. It was as if a weight had been lifted from his chest.  

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.”

“Think you can fall back asleep?” 

“Not likely,” Cas replied.  

“I can sing to you,” Dean offered.  

“Don’t you think we’ve given them enough of a show?” 

Dean chuckled. “Maybe. Wanna grab some blankets and go up to my room?” 

His room would be more than chilled by now, but if Cas needed the privacy, Dean would make sure he got it. 

“I’m ok, here. I’ll be ok.”

“We’ll be ok,” Dean told him, brushing a kiss across his forehead. 

 

 

The next time Dean opened his eyes, it was morning.  He was glad Cas had managed to fall back asleep, but he wasn’t sure if either of them were ready to face his family. The power was still out, but he could see that his dad had already been up and stoked the fire. Both his parents were gone, and Sam and Sarah were still asleep. He eased off the air mattress, taking great care not to wake Cas. He made his way to the upstairs bathroom and quickly cleaned up. Both of his parents were already in the kitchen when he went in search of coffee. He could tell immediately from the glance they shot each other that they had heard them last night.  

“Morning, honey. Would you like some coffee?” 

“Oh yeah, I think I’m definitely going to need some coffee.” When he took that first sip, he was grateful that his dad liked to be so prepared and was willing to go out into the cold to fire up the grill.  

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Mary asked, jumping right in.  

Dean shrugged.  “Cas is dealing with enough crap. The last thing he needed was worrying about coming off as weak.”

“We wouldn’t have judged him,” Mary said.  

“We know that’s not true,” Dean replied, purposely not looking at his father. “He also doesn’t need you being nice to him now just cause you feel sorry for him.”

“What the hell do you want?” John grumbled. “No matter what we say, you have a problem with it.”

“What do I want?” Dean asked, setting his cup down on the table. “I want the man I love to not be in pain. I don’t want him suffering from nightmares. I don’t want to see his eyes red and puffy from all the tears he’s trying to hide from me. I don’t want him thinking he’s not good enough for me. I’m losing him, and it’s scaring the hell out of me.” He didn’t care that his own eyes were starting to burn or that his voice had cracked with his last few words. They were both hurting, and it was up to him to fix it.  

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Sam told him as he came into the room and sat down next to him. “You know I’m here for you guys. Whatever you need.”  

“So I guess everyone heard last night.” He looked down, fiddling with his cup and avoiding their knowing looks. 

“Yeah,” Sam confirmed. “Why didn’t you tell me it had gotten so bad?”

The burn in his eyes was getting worse. “I screwed up. It was easier to follow Cas’ lead of avoiding the issue instead of confronting it head on. He was stressed about not having a job. I was working all the time. I felt like crap because I wasn’t able to spend time with Ben, either. So when Cas would pretend it was ok, I went along with it, even though I could see the cracks. He was right not to trust me to help him.” 

“You do help him, Dean. He wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. And the people who love you will understand, and they’ll help you instead of putting more pressure on you. Ben is old enough to understand that things happen. I know you think of him as your own son, but think about it. If he was your blood, and Cas was sick in the hospital, nobody would expect you to leave his side, not even Ben. I think, because you’re not his father and you have no claim to him at all, you put more pressure on yourself to be there for him, to be perfect so you don’t lose that tenuous hold. And that’s not fair to you and Cas. Lisa and Ben are like family, but that’s a shared responsibility because they’re close family friends. That’s on all of us. Your unique relationship with them is over, and it’s ok to let that go, no matter what anyone says. You’re trying to carry the world on your shoulders. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to be selfish.” 

Dean gives a little smile at the fierceness he hears in Sam’s voice. Sam was always very astute when it came to Dean’s relationships, and he always appreciated his little’s brother’s sound advice. And he was usually right. He’d been trying so hard to be the peacemaker and be everything for everyone that he’d almost lost the one who mattered the most.  

“Oh, honey. You used to be able to talk to us. I hate that you feel you can’t come to us.” Mary looked genuinely upset as she looked at her two boys. 

“Yeah,” Dean sighed. He took another sip of his coffee. It was lukewarm now, cooling faster in the chilly room. “I say things, but you guys don’t seem to hear it You’re convinced that Cas is not right for me, and Dad’s only focused on work. Didn’t seem to be much point in trying to talk it out.”

“Maybe that’s fair. We’re still here for you, though, and want to help.”

“We?” Dean asked.  

“Yes, we,” Mary declared without even looking at John for confirmation. “Just as you and Cas are a couple, your dad and I are a unit. You may not agree with how he says some things or how he comes across, but I know him better than anyone. And I know he loves you two boys more than anything in this world, including Winchester Security.”

Dean looked over at John, but his father was staring down at his own coffee cup.  John had never been one for emotional heart to heart talks, a trait he’d obviously passed on to his oldest child. 

“We’ll see,” he told his mom.  “I meant what I said to Cas last night. Nothing is worth losing him.”

“And Ben?” John asked. 

Dean took a deep breath and tried to think about what his father was really saying. “I get it. I really do, and I’m sorry that you feel like you lost a grandson. Sammy’s right, though. I’m cool with Lisa being a close family friend, but it shouldn’t just be on me. I know you considered Ben to be blood, and that’s a hard bond to break. You can still do stuff with him, take him camping, go to his games. Teach him the way you taught Sammy and me. I just can’t be that person anymore.” He braced himself waiting for his dad’s reaction, but Sarah’s voice calling him from the living room captured his attention. He was out of his seat in a moment with Sam quickly on his heels.  

When he pushed aside the curtain and stepped into the living room, he saw Cas struggling to get up from the air mattress. Sarah sat off to the side and sent Dean an apologetic look.  

“Sorry. He didn’t want me to call you, but he wouldn’t let me help either.” 

“Thanks, Sarah.” Dean gave her a wink and then went over to stand in front of Cas who was red in the face and refusing to look up at anyone. “Seriously. Everyone else knows to roll off of these things, and your dumb ass tries to just pop right up.  We really need to take you camping more. What was that?” Dean asked when Cas grumbled something. He was pretty sure he heard him, but he was determined to keep the mood light. “All right, here.” He reached out his hand for Cas to grab.  He waited, knowing that Cas would be reluctant to accept the help but also knowing that this would be the easiest way to move them forward past this awkward moment.  

As expected, Cas grabbed his hand, and Dean hauled him up. “Morning, babe,” he whispered in a soft voice. “Let’s go stretch out those kinks.” 

Cas was unusually quiet as Dean led him upstairs to the bathroom.  He figured he was remembering last night and withdrawing into himself.  He wasn’t quite sure how to bring Cas out of his funk so for now, he just focused on helping him get around. Once he’d finished in the bathroom, he led him back to the living room. 

“Dad fired up the grill and heated water for coffee.  It’s not bad for instant. I’ll get you a cup and figure out what’s going on with breakfast now that we’re all up.”

Cas merely grunted in reply as Dean helped him over to the sofa. He noticed that Cas was walking a little smoother. Walking around did always seem to help get out some of the knots, but unfortunately, it was never enough. Dean was hoping that a little ibuprofen and a massage would help loosen up some more of those kinks. 

“Hey, I remember that you like cream and sugar.” Sam appeared by their side with a steaming mug. 

“Thanks, Sammy.”

“Thank you, Sam.” Cas glanced up at him, but the contact was brief. 

“It’s not big deal,” Sam said. “Sarah and I were getting our cups as well.”

“Where’s mine?” Dean asked.

“You had yours earlier.”

“It’s always a two cup morning,” Dean protested. 

“Dad is heating more water, you big baby.  He’s also warming up breakfast burritos that mom prepared. He says we have the lunch shift.”

“Fair enough.”

John came into the living room holding a metal tray.  Everyone got quiet, not quite sure what to expect when he walked over to the sofa.   

“Here,” he said in a gruff tone, holding the tray out to Dean.  “It’s not a heating pad, but it should help loosen up some of those muscles. I have another one warming for when that one gets cold. Figure if we do that a few times a day, we can keep the muscles from getting too cramped.” 

Dean started at the moist hot towel on the tray. Tears welled up in his eyes at his dad’s gesture.  “Thanks,” he said, his voice thick.  

“We take care of her own,” John replied. “Cas, you need us to fix up a towel at any point of the day, say something. Don’t sit around suffering for no good reason.”

“Thank you,” Cas said, finally looking up and meeting John’s gaze. 

John simply nodded and turned and left the room.  

Dean shot a quick look at Sam, who was grinning at him, before looking at Cas.   “He’s right. We take care of our own. I meant every word last night.  Give me a chance to prove it?”

Cas gave him a shaky nod and it was enough for Dean. For the first time in a long time, he felt as if he could do this, as if they were really going to be all right. 

 

 

 

 


End file.
